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9月28日 Whoops where's my Summer Gone?Well Gosh darn it all to heck. I turned my back on my Biker Space for 5 minutes and suddenly it's September... and the 5 minutes turned into 3 months. Embarassing, especially as I swore to keep up the Blog in my very last entry, I suppose I'm just unreliable.
On the plus side I have been out and about doing things rather than stuck in front of a computer typing things like this... as the nights are drawing in I had better get back into the swing of things.
No point running through all the summer events, otherwise I will never catch up, but Faro rally (in Portugual) was a blast. I had many many excellent journeys, many many excellent rallies and spent many many summer nights with good friends and comfy women.
Last weekend was no exception, went along to the RibCrackers Run To The Sun Rally, at Catton Hall in South Derbyshire.
The Ribcrackers are good pals of the PIL and a lot of them are members of both, so there was a major turnout of the Red Rash to show "Respec' Guy", and obviously to have a humungous party. It's about 138 miles for me, but it turned out to be a 145 miles as i kept missing the turnoff on the A38.
Eventually turned up to a huge site, good camping right by the River Trent. For some reason camping by the Gate is some sort of status symbol in Biker circles, trouble was I ended up as a taxi service between the PIL / Ribcracker portion of the site and the Marquee...
Met Donna's daughter Emily for the first time and gave her the Mini Magalite I had bought as a 9th birthday present...not her birthday until the Saturday but didnt want her wandering into the Trent by accident. Much impressed by Emily, very bright and precocious but damn sweet with it too. I ran her up and down the field on the back of Rottie many times over the course of the weekend (Only when sober!) as she does like riding on Harleys, or perhaps that walk to and from the tent was getting to her as well...
It was as good as always to see the pals, what with pressures at work I could do with a damn hard drink and I broke open the Smirnhoff almost before the engine stopped pinking, and managed to polish off most of the bottle over the course of the night. What with sampling a wide range of exotic "signature" drinks the others plied me with (ranging from Jaegermeister to Skittle Vodka) the night got a little blurry... didnt stop me boogieing though. Kilts really let you move to the music!
Band was so good I didn't even notice the swap between the disco and the live act, which sounds stupid but it's actually high praise indeed. Lots of traditionally rally tracks you could get a decent headbang to and so it went on until the early hours. Chatted with mates, flirted with the ladies, joked with the kids and then wandered back to the tent in the wee hours feeling more relaxed than I had for ages.
(some family business taking up my time so will finish this when I can....)
7月1日 Guess who's coming to DinnerOooh posh new Icons on the Blog header: I can do fancy things now, like change my font. Wow. All I need now is a spell-checker.
Anyway, I think I would make an excellent Hotel Manager, although I'm, not saying I would make any money at it. Lee and Laney are coming down to the Smoke on Friday night and I've been beavering away tidying the flat.... It took the thought of friends coming to stay to make me look at the state of the decor and it left something to be desired.
So out with the Cillit Bang (heee.. I said "Bang") and the dusters and the anti-tobacco Airwicks. I even changed the cat litter which left the cat weeping with relief, in more ways than one. Fridge is chocablock with "tasty food" (Apologies to McD as I think you've copyrighted that horrible phrase).
As always I think I've gone over the top as Laney has just texted me to ask whether they should bring airbeds and sleeping bags, that was so sweet bless her heart. I reassured her that they would have their own room, King Size bed with clean sheets. And Guinness in the fridge. I think the complimentary fruit bowl might be overdoing it.
I been and gone and done it again with double booking myself, promised Jimmy and Scouse faithfully that I'd be at Silsden Sewer Rats(link) on the 9th July, all the time forgetting that I'd planned to go with friends to a free all day concert featuring the Proclaimers in Southwark Park on that weekend. (Don't even mention the Jack Tar Rally I also sort-of was going to)
Now Southwark park is literally across the road from me, and the Sewer Rats have their rally at Addingham Moorside, just north of Ilkley Moor in Yorkshire (of the Ilkley Moor Bar Tat fame). We're talking a 450 Mile round trip that weekend. Ah well. I hate breaking promises but I got to break one or the other.... and the Rats do put on a good gig.
PS re: Kitkat'smate's Comment:
Bugger.
Sorry Jules and Donna. Sooner I get my cloning machine working, the better. 6月25日 Not Dead YetI got a phone call from Scouse about 9pm last night, whie I was trying to teach Carl Johnson to swim (The character from GTA San Andreas, that is). Scouse, Lee and Laney and others were at Buttstock and had saved me a camping spot, I'd sort-of half-promised-I'd-think-about going to that rally as well and was expected, oooops. Fortunately I was able to reassure everybody I hadn't wiped myself out on the way up and simply hadn't got out from work in time to go to anything out of town this weekend. Chatted with fellow PIL Member and temporary Londoner Rhino in the week, he's had a bit of a windfall and used some of the cash to get 20 tickets for the Three Rivers (spelt "111 Rivers") Hog chapter rally in July. (click on link here) It's a HOG (Harley Owners Group) which in my exoerience tended to be populated with "people-with-expensive-toys" rather than "Bikers", but Rhino says there's some good sorts going. Looks like quite a "Posh Do" for a bike rally, at least judging by the ticket price. The aim is to drag some of the lads and lasses down from the North for a change and show these namby-pampy Southerners how to party hee hee. Oh hang on, I'm pretty namby myself. Think I'll have to tart up the bike for that one, my Bike is my only transport and doesn't have a high gloss shine most of the time. I've been running around all Saturday trying to find a place that could do my MOT and curse my spontineity, everywhere was booked up, too busy or just closing. Next time I book, folks. The weekend weather is too changeable to start breaking down my exhaust to put my new one on (I don't have a garage), and I don't like the idea of using the Jubilee line in the heat so may not get it together before Lee and Laney come down for Live 8 next week. Ah well, best laid plans of mice and men gang aft aglay, as they say in Peckham. Looks like it's going to be a compulsory chill-out weekend.
6月22日 "Guilty, but with an explanation"Oh Dear. My Bad. Instead of faithfully recording the "Adventures of Don Juan, er, Shaun the Fatman" I’ve been actually out and about enjoying myself. Well, that and the fact the "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" is now out for the PC and I’ve been Pimping My Ride, Poppin’ some Caps and generally doing a lot of Virtual running around. Before I know it I’ve got cramp in my thumbs and the morning chorus is doing some tuning up. Anyway, I will pay more attention to the web space now and here are some of the highlights of last week or so:
6月8日 Typing fatigueStill Ploughing away at the write up below... getting nearly to the end. Oh by the way, going to the Catford Beer Festival tomorrow night on a stag do so will doubt that anythign will go on tomorrow hee. Ha! Finished the write-up, watch out Michael Palin I'm after your slot on Prime-Time, 6月6日 What I Did On My Summer HolidaysOK OK, Here’s how it went: The Thursday: It’s our own rally so the members all turn up on the Thursday at the site as we have a lot of setting up to do: the control tent, 30-odd stacked speakers and amps, lighting, seating, tables, AV units, Torture Box for the Rally Virgins etc, just the usual. We don’t officially open to the Great Unwashed until the Friday but it didn’t’ stop a steady trickle arriving, including some from the Bridge Rats turning up a Day early and complaining that they’d been lost for 3 hours. If they’d come even a little later they would have seen the direction signs I’d put up on the way in from the A50 and could have followed a long string of confused looking Taz’s pointing to the site entrance. Anyway, I spent a tedious time putting up my own large complicated tent (as my high tech and truly wonderful self-erecting tent was too small for 4 days) and swore and swore and swore at it until it was almost standing, then mucked in to help. Quick meeting to decide what everyone was doing and then straight on to stuffing the "goodie bags", so much to put into them we filled the tables in the hall with gear and walked around in circles picking and stuffing. Scary ‘Schelle had to start guarding the table with the sweets on (but they had Tangfantastics, what did she expect, honesty?). The mighty PIL medical team swept into action as poor Jules became the first casualty of the weekend, the cast on her arm making her a bit clumsy and her knife opening both a box and her fingertip. All weekend people were asking after her finger, probably as that might have more of an impact on her sex life than the elbow support. Thursday night is the calm before the storm: everything set up, all the PIL kicking back with the stall holders and the early birds and sinking a few cans… Actually I sank all the cans I’d bought locally after putting up the direction signs, which seemed to set a pattern for the weekend. Only problem was that Mad Dave and Widj (DJs from Hell or at least it’s suburbs) couldn’t get the Tower of Power speakers running that night. I don’t care how powerful a Boom Box is, it takes a lot to fill a hall that size but we did the best we could. Friday: “Theeereee Heeerrre”… My enjoyment of my hangover the following morning (I mean like “Single Digit” Morning, about 8am-ish) was terminated by a continuous rumble of bikes arriving and revving and then being hailed by a cheery warm Perv welcoming greeting, such as “Slow Down You Noisy Bastards, This Ain’t a ****ing Drag Strip” from the Green faces peering out from the PIL compound’s tents. Lots of running around during the day, replenishing my food and alcohol at the local co-op. 2 hours on the forward control point with “Our Eveline” (Wayne to his mum) meeting an greeting the folks, I brought Donkey (my inflatable pal) and some inflatable lips up with me to decorate the FCP tent a bit: People were thereafter greeted by a row of dancing Fuchsia lips on the barrier tape, aww sweet. By mid afternoon the site had started to Bulge, people flowing onto the site non stop, grinning like the Joker* as they signed in at the main control and all eagerly grabbing their goodie bags, normally followed by a scream and a hernia as they tried to carry them out. Costumes started to appear, (although Saturday night is the REALLY extreme night), but I settled for a subtle combination of Kilt, Sporran and mesh blue shirt with flames and flaming skulls. Ok, maybe not that subtle. Started to slide around the room meeting old friends. I’ll say hi now to the womenfolk I flirted and fondled over the weekend, in particular but in no particular order Sue, Grace, Jacquie, Tiger Sue, Jules, Steph, Pit-bull (Kelly), Donna, Anita my mini Cyberpunk, and all other the women who groped me without my begging them. Good band on, no idea who they were cos I’m terrible at getting band names. Then the disco and the beer and the dancing and the beer. I lasted until about 3ish but started to flag around then… went bed alone, but would have only been useful as a human hot water bottle if had I had company. *Joker from Batman, not the Biker Joker from Preston, although they both have the same sort of grin.. oh never mind Saturday Morning Me and Jewel and Donna and Eric took a rideout to Asda to stock up with Picnic food and more alcohol and Breakfast/Lunch, as it was going to be a busy old day. Rolled back with Smirnoff Ice and Roast Chicken in honey mustard and granary baguettes and salad for after the Silly Games…ah the Games. The non-bikers amongst you probably haven’t heard how competitive Bikers are, and they like nothing more than a chance to show off like a Pratt, preferably while exposing parts of their body best kept in their clothes. The Perv Silly Games are along those lines, although we normally like to add a few twists of our own, like “The Random”. I was late back to the games kick-off so Random was volunteered Securi-Beast to protect the fair 'Schelle and Mistress Vicky… like they needed it but what the hell. I have to say the Random made a better Psycho-Killer-Madman than I did, and the Hannibal Lechter facemask didn’t slow him down. We locked him until needed in the Human Skittles chair (a sort of human-sized Hamster Ball from the mini-funfair we had on site) and periodically let him out to hunt down and retrieve runaway contestants and Rally Virgins, that boy is faaaast. Then we gave him an Ice cream although he wasn’t allowed to take his mask off. The first games were complicated and took a few minutes to set up, but it was worth it…. Two rows of ladies and gentlemen bikers facing each other blindfolded wearing opposite pairs of animal masks, unable to see their matching animal and only allowed to find it by making the noise that the animal makes… sounds bizarre but it was absolutely hilarious, especially the pair of Giraffes. Giraffes don’t have vocal chords so they had to shout “Giraffe! Giraffe!” while blundering about groping and getting groped. Ah well… I have simple tastes. Second bout was in the hall, with a panel of PILs set up as the jury on Blankety Blank filling in the blanks on a number of lewd questions while Mad Dave accompanied the proceeding with a well-timed series of sound effects… The sight of ‘Schelle and Widj marching across the stage with farts erupting at each step had me literally rolling on the hall floor…..ahem, like I said… I have simple tastes. I’ve no clue who won the competition but according to Rhino the answer to every question was “Cock“ while Gail suggested an ever-more scary array of sex toys. No wonder her Man Tommy is looking so worn out, bless him. Last bout.. Hmmm sorry I can’t show you the pictures on that, but you’re probably glad. The wet t-shirt competition is standard, but we have something for the ladies… the wet Y front competition. Actually they were not only wet, but had been in the freezer for a few hours before, but that’s just the icing on the cake, so to speak. I’m sure they blamed the cold as well. All over, back to the tent for Tea and chicken and Smirnoff and laying around and chatting and snoozing. The Evening was nigh muuuwhahaha. Costumes started to appear in the field and the Hall, including a man disguised as a Mammogram and another as the Annoying Thing (you may know him as Crazy Frog, but it’s actually called The Annoying Thing…we knew about The Annoying Thing before it become cool..) Anyway, I thought the little Black square over his doo-daa was a nice touch. The hall rapidly filled up and it started getting hot…It began to resemble the Zion dance-sequence from Matrix Reloaded and when Nuclear Minogue came on stage it got really electric. They’re old friends, done many of our rallies and love playing here, and know how to get the joint jumping pumping out a lot of nu-rock and re-worked pop tunes so you not only start to like pop, you can head bang to it. They did what felt like a 2-hour set (“felt like” in a good way, mind.) eventually stripping down to underwear and fluorescent body paint and being called back to do two encores by a sea of applause. I had promised myself I would last the night, and I managed it. Someone said I’d been dancing all night and my calves were in no condition to argue, but had to hand it to our insane DJ Crew Mad Dave and Widj and Taf the SheepShagger, they were there to see us to the door and still had the energy to sing a remarkably in-tune version of the Love Boat. It was like watching Frankie and Dino on stage at Vegas. Frankie Howard and Dino from the Flintstones I mean, but I’ve heard a lot worse. Well into Dawn now, (the time of day, not the woman) and shared an 8am toke with Pit-bull and Anita and Mindy for an hour or two in their tent. They had outdone me, said that they hadn’t slept since Thursday. I don’t know, sleep in my 3rd favourite thing, just sometimes you need to put it off for a bit. I couldn’t put it off any longer and wobbled off to my own bed for a few hours. Woke up not too late, before mid-day, and wandered around trying to pack and help tidy the site. It was actually in a better condition than when we arrived; I think we even managed to fix the showers before we left. The guys who cleaned the toilets were taking no chances; they put Out-of-order signs up after finishing so I had to hold on until I could get the shower block loos right across the site. Bastards. To the sound to Bikes rumbling and rolling off-site, I gradually dismantled and packed and threw away rubbish around my tent… pulled the ties, un-poled the dome, carefully rolled and folded the tent until it was tightly compressed but still 4 times bigger than the bag it came in and swore and cursed and rolled up all the tent and dumped it into the Skip we hired for the weekend. Ha. 12 Kilos I didn’t have to carry back, result. People on site were tired but mellow. It was generally agreed that this was one of the best of our rallies, we had known each other so long we knew what should be done and how to do it and everyone brought their own ideas and efforts to help. Really Sweet. Pervs started to drift off home, sad goodbyes, hugs and kisses, rally/party invites given and received. Off back down to the Smoke around 4-ish, sad it’s over but glad it came around. Next year in Derbyshire, folks…… THE RallyThe last 4 days have been awesome.. no, they've done "awesome" to death on American Chopper. Safest to say that the "PIL Rally 2005: the Sick Sense" will be the yardstick all the happy punters will compare all the other rallies they'll go to. I'll write up a full review when i've had some sleep.... not had a bout of unconciousness for 2 days and stopped Dancing quite late Sunday Morning, so I'm a bit caffienated and severly whacked. Nigh on 1500 pictures taken by Pil Members, I took about 500. Trying to load on first (Thursday/Friday) batch, even without exposed body parts they show what fun we had. 6月2日 D Day8-30am. Phew Got it Sorted. All my gear reduced to one 4ft Carry-All and three 3ft Stuffa bag. Plus leftovers to fill my two leather saddlebags. Time to start sticking all this crap on the bike. 6月1日 Rubik's Filing SystemRegular readers / viewers may have noticed a re-arrangement of my Bike Club* photographs in my photo albums. Just for a change they relate to the right year, as I had discovered earlier I had saved copies of ALL 357MG of the 2003 pictures in a subdirectory of the 2004 folder: Dumb-bottomed or what. Getting the 2004 pictures on was harder even without that: for some reason a lot of the pictures were out of focus (well, it WAS a long weekend...) and a lot of those in focus, well...had willies and/or baby-feeders showing or more... it's a shame that they are Verboten on the Spaces as they tended to be very very funny ones as well. Anyway, still have 15MG of space to use, and hopefully that will be more than enough for the PIL Rally 2005 that is THIS WEEKEND...shoot, I need to pack. Even more stuff. *PILRC : The Perverts In Leather Rally Club...Oh DO pay attention at the back there... 5月31日 FlashBangWallopJust a quickie, oooh aaaah missus.... Digging through my photo archive and loading a few more pictures on. There may be a few duplicates but my filing system is "Pants", apologies if you suffer a bit of Deja Vue. Also due to an "Hello Hello" from the MSN supervisors I've been careful to eliminate nipple pictures. Just blank out the latex and rubber and use your imagination hur hur. PS ummmm confused now... I may have combined the 2004 pictures with the 2003 PIL rally pictures. I know I'm bad at filing these thing but I thought I had saved both years from CD onto my harddrive: Think I may have saved the 2003 pictures twice. Sounds stupid but there's over 2000 pictures in multiple directories, and they were saved on 3 CDs as well. I should recognise one year over another but to be honest they are all a blur: if you can remember a PIL rally you weren't really there.... Guess I better go back to the raw data on the CDs, if I can find them oh hum. 5月29日 No Time To Say Hello GoodbyeThings have come to a pretty pickle when I (a basically lazy person) hasn't had enough time to play on my computer. I've been running around all week and lots has happened... I had the means, I had the inclination but I just didn't have the time. Here's the highlights:
5月24日 Best Laid PlansBit of a gap there, the weekend was a bit disorganised..... actually the weekend was fine, it was me that was disorganised. I was planning (Ha!) to go off to Brum on the Saturday but I made the sort-of mistake of going out on the Friday, to The Intrepid Fox in SoHo followed by the Mean Fiddler. The night was great, chatted to lots of interesting people and got me knees up the air....Decent band on called More than a Thousand, Lots of girl-on-girl action on the dance floor if you like that sort of thing (actually, I just think "get a room you two". I don't mind public displays of affection I just prefer it when it's me-on-girl), horrendous bar prices.
Woke up around noon and had the usual brillo-pad-tongue (jaegermeister is nice but very sweet), and spent the rest of teh weekend recovering. I've sent my apologies to Rick the Cookie Monster, haven't heard the reports of the gig yet. Hope it went OK. 5月20日 Three Wheels on my WagonI sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a car. then I realise what I'm thinking and wonder what it would be like to have a trike. Not sure I "get" trikes, at least for able-bodied people. They do sterling work keeping the road-wounded mobile, check out the NABD sites. I think they have a lot of problems in town (eg. Traffic. Oiks in Burberry slashing your seat, Police that dont know the helmet laws applying to trikes) but I can see the advantages outside the main run of things. (e.g. I dont need a car licence, I can carry more gear, sit in a comfy seat and I don't need a crash helmet.) Anyway I was thinking these thoughts and looked up the National Trike Register on the 'Net. The reason I'm boring YOU with this is that they had a little movie clips that had my mouth open. Here's the Link. I don't know whether to hope it's genuine or a fake, it's like watching Arnie jump his Fatboy in T2, only to find out later that it was all done on wires. .... If it is genuine, well. As they said during the Star Wars Pod Racing, " I don' care what universe you come from, that's gonna hurt..." 5月19日 Dennis Potter Not Harry
I remember thinking at the time that this was no way to cope with illness, what a wimp etc etc. I humbly apologise to the ghost of Dennis Potter for that....Itchy Skin...... it's a perfectly reasonable reason to go Mad. The reason I know that is true........I have managed to get some unknown but severely irritating chemicals on the palms of my hands a few days ago (No...not that sort of substance ... I'm potent but not Acidic and my palms are itchy not Hairy). Like a steering wheel in my trousers, it's driving me nuts. I've run the full gamut of creams from basic Boots Antiseptic over to extremely potent Hydrocortizone and I'm still rubbing my hands together like Arkwright the Grocer spotting a full wallet. If this doesnt go away in the next couple of days I will either go on a killing spree or see a Doctor. Neither option is very attractive. Anyway...speaking of Mad Men moves me nicely into my next piece.., I've got one of my outfits sorted for our own PILRC rally early next month. Tracey H and Batty 'Shelle (Both are Buxom Sisters as well) are in charge of the Silly Games this year, normally this goes on Saturday afternoon. Last year was a blast, so can see some of the cleaner incidents from the Picture gallery. However, a couple of guys tried to turn the tables on the ladies so I've been asked to be games "security" this year. I normally charm rather than thump but push comes to shove I can shove like a bulldozer. You lose points for actually hitting people so as a visual aid and in the spirit of the occasion I've got (from eBay, naturally) a bright orange Pennsylvania Psychiatric Ward tunic and a Hannibal "the Cannibal" mask. I pity the poor 18 stone tatooed ex-rugby playing Biker who gets past me, it's not safe annoying them. They have tongues that can disembowel at 30ft and that's before they use the whips. 5月17日 Noblesse ObligeWe have a wide range of Talent-ed and Talent-less people in our club. Unfortunately I'm in the second section, but two guys who are in the first half are Mikee and Rick The Cookie Monster (I'll explain later.. Actually I can't. Suffice to say he has a number of furry outfits in genuine Muppet-skin. Check his space) Mikee and Cookie are musicians (I'm being generous here...) so when we can we try to give them some moral support, rather like an ego-truss. Mickee's Band Fugitive are well established on the Biker Band circuit, regulars at The FarmYard Party and other major shows: but Cookie's band Guilty are having their first gig his weekend, at Past It MCC 10th Birthday Bash Saturday 21st May 2005 at the Stoke Works Club, Weston Hall Road, Stoke Prior, Bromsgrove. They're on Saturday night supporting the main band Hollow which have a good rep in their own right. Not sure if I can get away quick enough to avoid the Horrors of Friday motorway traffic, as we're short-handed at work. But if you're a biker/rockfan/chick-looking-for-a-band-to-groupiee-fy and you're around Birmingham/Bromsgrove this Saturday, have a "Butcher's Hook". G'wan, it's only a fiver (including camping.) Oh by the by.. If you've got a beard, have you ever nicked one side of it while shaving...then trimmed the other side...then the other... shaved the 'tasche to match... then thought the tooth-brush-shape at the tip of your chin looked naff and took that off as well? Yer. Me too. I'm now clean shaven apart from a muff-tickler under my bottom lip, and I look like a teenager. I keep catching myself in the mirror and scaring the bejessus out of myself. Lucky my chin hair grows so fast. PS Just phoned the Harley dealer about my broken exhaust heatshield. Argh.£78-33 for a piece of chrome the size of a shin-pad. PPS Lucky Cookie (B1kerman in the comment) gave me the heads up, it's a one-nighter not a weekend jobbie, so I'll see if I cant get along there on the Saturday. Yay, no Friday Night travelling. 5月15日 Saturday Night's AlrightI was feeling a lot better by Saturday night so I pootled along the A12 to Witham in Essex. The RoadHogs were holding a custom show at the Witham Rugby Club and they had a couple of bands on: good fun, and a big Hello goes out to Paul, Jan, Melvin, Wendy and (um..) "Fang" and the others. Good chat, good music and everyone thought my new tent was cheating and "where could they get one?". Finished off my Vanilla Absolut, and went on to the Guinness. Much surprised when it was £2 a pint, like, 80p cheaper than in Central london. I love club prices. Bands were good, although apparently the band on the Friday was pants and I hadn't missed much. I boogied away like a mad ejit until the early hours. The weather is getting better, blue sky on Sunday but I still woke up at dawn-sh (5-30am or thereabouts) shivering with ice on my tent. Roll on Summer proper. Nice to be home in an hour, especially as I fell in behind a swarm of Police bikes making fast (if Legal) time along the A12. Darned if they didn't scrape a few bumpers getting to the front at traffic lights, nice to have that sort of confidence/ignorance. Home in time for Sunday Lunch! (slow-roast brisket with onion, garlic and new potatoes... I'm a fair cook) 5月13日 Snotty Hankies and High ArtI am generally accused of being pathetic when I have a cold, even though my colds are worse than anybody else's: When I start feeling poorly people should call the Centre for Contagious Diseases and bring me Orange Juice wearing those Noddy Bio-Hazard Suits they have in"Outbreak". As you may have realised at this point I have a Stinky Cold. Normally, being bored out of your skull in an IT training course is not considered a health risk, but sitting next to a A/C vent can be nasty what with Legonella and all (...no........ I checked the symptoms on that... not this time...). Anyway, the one good thing about this course, is that it was in Millbank right next door to the Tate Britain. I had a long lunch as I had two courses back to back, so I wandered about the British Art Exhibit (it's free) for a bit. There was a Turner-Whistler-Monet exhibition but £10 a pop entry was a bit excessive (for me at least... Some people thought it reasonable as the queues went out the door) . The Romantic Victorian paintings are a bit chocolate-boxy (although I did like King Cophetua and the Beggar Maid (Right): The face of the Maid is really quite striking, (and I like the outfit too.) May get a print to brighten up the flat with. But the painting that blew me away was a 5月11日 Wednesday Bloody WednesdayGah. Definitely need a Rally after work today, do 1 thing and 2 things come in. Tomorrow is a major snorefest, ITIM course for Electronic Records Managmenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...eh? Right. no need to bore you with that, a problem shared is a problem two people have. Also need to think about costumes for our own rally, as it's coming up fast now: beginning of June. Time to dig through eBay for dodgy / eccentric / downright wierd oufits, although I will have a way to go to beat Scouse, what an inspiration: in turn he was a giant foot ("Foot Fetishist") a regency prince with a certain foam hat looking like a pierced male member ("Prince Albert") and of course the Big Belly Dancer ("Don't Ask"). Promised to do the signs as well, nice Taz motif. (Our club Logo is a purple Taz holding a whip and a pair of handcuffs: The Bikers amongst you know what an Icon the Tasmanian Devil is to us all). I did them last year but hope to get them lamenated this time, They didn't last well in the British Summer(Ha!) weather. I also need to dig up some more gear for the "goody bags" people get when they turn up. Apparently there is a shortage of condoms, knowing our lot I'm not surprised. I've got some cheapo Glowsticks off the Net which should be a start to the "goody bag" collection, because going to a Family Planning Clinic and pretending I'm a Nymphomaniac is a bit of a stretch for my acting skills. Really. I'd be acting. Honest. 5月9日 The Day After The Weekend BeforeI need more space, or a robot what clears up camping gear to make the floor visible at least. Trouble with a heavy weekend it knocks you out for boring housekeeping, and the thought of kilt-ironing aint attractive either: I know what I got up to in that thing. The wire-and-foil lashup I did on the heat sheild didnt stop the other mount from breaking, but did stop it from falling off under/into my wheel: which would be a bad thing. Still, more expense and a wait, as I expect that's something I will need to get imported from the States. You occasionally get those on eBay, but only as sets, and there's nothing to say the same thing won't happen again. Watching the Wild One co-incidently, and Lee Marvin just keeps getting better hee... I can see what he based Kid Shallene on for Cat Ballou. ah... darn. Just come across a rally (or rather a "Weekender Custom Show".. Got bands on both nights so not sure what the difference is really) in Essex this weekend, only 50 miles away so I dont need all Friday off and it'll only cost £10-£12 in petrol: eminently do-able, certainly more do-able than a 400 mile round-trip to Cheshire for the NABD... Run by the Road Hogs, and should be a good do judging by the pictures http://www.roadhogs.co.uk/events.htm ...hmm (thinks....) Maybe worth a runout on the Saturday. 5月8日 Chinese Take-me-AwayFriday: Got away from work early but the M1 was..well..the M1. Rottie was fine with the awkward tent strapped on the back, it just looked like an Orange flying saucer was sniffing my bottom at 90mph. Made decent if not spectacular time and arrived for some welcoming snuffly hugs from the gorgeous Buxom Sisters, that certainly warmed my ears up. Only trouble was I arrived before most of the PILRC, so I had no-one to show my incredible exploding tent to.. seriously considered getting pickled in the bar and waiting but decided I wasn't (quite) that sad. Tossed the tent in the air and waited...1..2..looked at the tent again, picked it up, took off the restraining strap, tried again..Yes! instant Dog Kennel. Shovelled all my gear into the kennel, changed into Kilt and colours, hastily retrieved my vodka and spent a pleasant hour or two catching up with Dee and Tracey H and Mistress V and Daniellle and so on and so forth... The Buxom Sisters is the rally where Ian and Jimmy the One were inspired with the name of the "Perverts In Leather": So each BS rally is like a family get-together, without all the sniping and cousin-fighting and arguing who-was-mum's-favourite. This weekend had the "Dangermouse" and the "Ben Hur" rally on, both excellent choices for discerning bikers and there were some worries about low turnout: Friday was a bit quiet to begin with, but it meant there was more room to boogie and chat and "suck-face" if that was yer thang. Actually I did all three, with the bite-marks on my shoulder to prove it. Cheers Donna, you excitable person you. Totally Obscene was the Friday band and a cracking Band they were, very professional and tight, definitely "happening"... but I didn't get a chance to get my knees in the air much. Bunnie thought it hilarious to stick one of his High Octane Reggae Marlbros in my face while my hand were occupied with women, and then pump my chest like a bellows. Needless to say my ability to protest faded away after a bit. I maintained that I was merely tired, and wandered to my bed around 1-ish, otherwise I would be a damp rag for the Saturday. The Big One, the night when the Buxom Sisters May Ball earns it's name with Posh Frocks and Tuxs galore. Saturday: Seems I wasn't the only gimmick-head in the club, Mad Dave and Crocket had also discovered the Joy of Self-Erection and turned up with pop-up tents for themselves... thus removing one of the Horrors of biker camping, i.e. getting the bastard tent up in the dark when it's raining when everyone else is busy dancing and boozing and farting around. Morning, Donna and Julie went out to pick up our Chinese Cheong-Sam outfits from the Post office (They never seem to actually deliver packages anymore.. just "sorry you were out" cards..wierd).. They live quite close so we spent some time accessorising the 3 little maids outfits with tasselled chopsticks for out hair (i.e. Julie did the work, with me and Donna being helpful and telling her what she was doing wrong...). Lovely material, satin, I couldn't stop stroking myself all night. They were large but not large enough, or I wasn't small enough, so the versatile Julie took the darts out and we could all breath and even boogie. We won the Club Outfit trophy, Yay! And you can tell from the pictures what sort of competition there was. Saturday's Band are old friends, Nuclear Minogue, practically the House Band at the PILRC rally for the last 3 or 4 years. The place was packed and they got the whole Mob jumping with a huge set of rock classics and a few rock versions of pop numbers... "Thrash Britney", a whole new musical genre and fun pastime even with the sound turned down. Didn't get as hammered as the night before (largely because I ran from Bunny as soon as he lit up) and lasted long enough to get to the bornfire for a warm and a chat and a flirt, which was more than some people did. (Hi Wobbly Bob!). Really enjoyed the night, really warm and cosy rally (not just from the bonfire). Hope you can make it next year. Sunday: Woke up with a head pounding like an East European Steel Mill, with multiple "cracking" noises that didn't fade as much as the rest of the pounding. It turns out that the local gun club had booked the next field and decided to rid the world of the Evil Clay Pigeon. Not exactly waking up to gentle Bird song. I indulged in some Anglo Saxon but decided to make the best of it. Weather was a bit off so I was kept diving in and out of my tent to avoid tumultuous Spring Cloudbursts. Eventually got everything together and said my goodbyes, rotten part of any rally. But should see all the crew next month at our very own PIL rally (This year it's called " The Filth Element", last year it was "Cumming Forth"... you see the sophisticated sense of humour we are known and sighed at for). I hauled my weary body and bike off to the A610. One last blast from the weather meant I got hit by a hail-(Not Rain...HAIL)-storm just before I joined the M1 south. what's with this climate?.... And so to London, with numerous stops for coffee and loosening-up exercises. Got home, dragged the gear into the flat and collapsed on the bed, and "That's all She Wrote", I was out like a light. This should be the last rally for the month, now. I was going to do the NABD rally next weekend, but money is getting tight already with MOT, Insurance, AA membership, Road Tax all coming up this month so I'm taking a few weekends off. Unless I get bored that is, Rallies are very addictive way to spend a weekend and credit cards are toooo easy to abuse. Ohhhh BTW: Check out Capt. Smurf's website on http://www.captainsmurf.com for more pictures from the Buxom rally, and many many many many other rallies too. |
You may be too young to remember a TV series in the 1980's called 
Not Subtle, but Subtle may not cut it this year. The word is Tracey, 'Schelle and Mistress Vicky are going to DefCon 4 with the games, and I need to Serve and Protect. The Bikers from the Ladies that is. 
I could add £150-odd and get a complete Vance and Hines exhaust system imported from the US via e-Bay, which what I'm seriously thinking about doing. After I get my MOT at the end of the month, of course.
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